Monday, March 30, 2009
Wanna be on a beach, in the sunshine, free from stress and pain. Wanna hold the hand of someone i love and feel that my heart is safe in those hands. Wanna be fearless every single day, jumping into life head on with not so reckless abandon but still...with abandon.I want to dance in the light of the moon on foreign ground, in a place that is a part of me.....to experience joy in corners i never thought it would be......i wanna...i wanna...i will
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The words to this song have such great meaning to me. These days, even more so. I have realized and gone through so much in the past 6 monhts and not all of my experiences have been positive ones. I know though that everything does happen for a reason, even the bad stuff. The stuff that knocks us to our knees in prayer, that is what makes us stronger than we thought we ever could be.
We go through things that leave us a bit broken, and sometimes we have support from all of our loved ones. Sometimes we dont. I have learned once and for all through a really devestating time in my life, who my friends are. And let me tell you, i have a lot less friends than i thought i did. BUT the ones that really love me and support me unconditionally are still here. Still listening, loving and praying for me and my well being. Two people in particular who have just stood by me and loved me no matter what was going on, what i did, how hard it is....Evelyn and Kathleen.
It's amazing how close you can be to people you share no blood with. In my case, my friends ARE my family.
Evelyn is someone i have known for 25 years, and with our ups and downs, highs and lows, she has always stood by my side. ALways ready to share her advice or opinions, even when i didnt want to hear it! But always with love, always. We have both come a long way since that day we met back in Mr. Fried's homeroom class, and i am so glad we came this way together. She became my sister a long long time ago and i am so grateful and blessed to know her. Her family is my family and i am connected to her in a way i will never be with anyone else. We share similar history, and that bonds us. She understands me, most of the time, lol. She has given me great gifts in Jordann and Brandon, who are part of my heart and soul. I have always looked up to her, she was always the strong one, and still is. I gain a little strength from her every time we speak. And even though we disagree about so much, i dont worry about her loyalty or love, that is what family is about.
People always say you will never find love in a bar. Well, i beg to differ! I met Kathleen almost 8 years ago in a bar. We were there for karaoke, a hobby we both share. I clicked with her right away, she was probably the most genuine person i had ever met in my life. Over the years we got closer, but the last two really solidified our friendship. She has been there for me in ways that i never dreamed a friend would be. She has taken care of me, and loved me in whatever way i needed at the time, like a child, like a friend, like a sister. I am in awe of her, she is all the things i want to be one day. She saved my life, more than once. She truly is my sister and i feel blessed to know her, and am a better, more whole person for knowing her. Her children have become a part of me as well, giving me great joy. She has faith in me, believes in me...and lets me know it all the time...how do i deserve her?? Dont think i do, but Lord am i grateful she is here. The little xoxoxo's in my tattoo are for her.