Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Wow what a summer so far. Hectic, crazy, scary, depressing, exciting, wonderful and freeing. So many things have happened and things are still evolving everyday. Trying to push forward while having the past attatched to your ankles is hard work....but even if we drag ourselves an inch at a time, it's better than staying stuck isn't it? I move forward then get stuck for a few days at a time...gotta lose those demons that keep following me around, tell them to beat it and not come back. But it's really not their fault if i keep opening the door when they knock, now is it?
I was just in Italy for 10 days. It was a dream trip for me, but unfortunately the little devils hopped into my suitcase when i wasnt looking. I did a good job of losing them for most of the trip, but towards the end of my amazing, breathtaking, fun trip there they were, just waiting in the aiport. I didnt want to come back here. I have actually played with the idea of moving to Italy....Sicily actually. I have family there and could lead a very quiet peaceful life in a small small town. I could paint and write and read to my hearts content. Write letters to my friends back here and just worry about me. Just one problem with that idea....i would miss my family too much. That family consists of this amazing woman and her mom, husband and kids who took me in like one of their own. We live so close now and that makes me feel safe and protected and loved...unconditionally. I dont think i can give that up right now. Maybe not ever.
When i look back on my trip, and the return from it a lot is crystal clear. I didn't want to return here to the sometimes chaotic and messy thing called my life. The anxiety about those pesky loose ends came crashing down on me...shaking off the dust now and just getting on with it.