Monday, December 21, 2009

Bitter and Sweet of 2009

There have been so many many changes this past year. As i have said in previous posts it was probably the worst year of my life. And many joyous days and memories sprinkled in between. I found out who my friends and family truly truly are....i am becoming the person i want to be, on my own and yet with a little help from those that know me and love me unconditionally. Some days are still incredibly difficult, scars remain, pieces of myself still lie scattered about but slowly i am coming together again. While the new year ahead holds great promise and the excitement and some fear of what is unknown, i am ready. For all of it. Making it through the past year, i know now that i can make it through anything. It helps to have loved ones on my side. There is sadness that still remains over those i have lost, but i know there is purpose and a lesson in that for me, one that i will never ever forget. I can be judged only by my Creator, no one else has that power. I have so many times given my power over to others by my actions, my dependency, my need to be accepted....i dont need that outside validation anymore. If i dont give it to myself it really doesnt matter what anyone else thinks.

2009 held so much.....

1. great concerts...matt nathanson and erin mccarley, natasha bedingfield, joshua radin (although i love him more in my ipod)

2. packing up a home by myself, leaving it behind, along with a life that i never thought would end...

3. Starting over, losing friends that were like family, but in the end that was a good thing....

4. Learning about myself, finding me....still seeking a bit, but getting there little by little

5. Working, learning to love something i had never done before, becoming confident in my capabilities

6. Meeting new people who have been a wonderful support system through that work.

7. Reconnecting with old friends who were never forgotten, glad to see some of them still are the genuine sweet people i remember.

8. Learning to deal with dissappointment in a more productive way....being more in control. much more....bitter and sweet ......but grateful. There is a lesson in every little thing. I am so blessed and i will never forget that again.

I have to take a class starting right after Christmas which was not in the plans and has thrown me for a loop but i will do it....bring it on, lol.

This new year for me is about recovering physically from a very intensive sugery at the end of January, which although will take quite some time, will pass as does everything else. Then it will be time for (hopefully) interviews and more entrance exams and finding out what program i will be starting in 2010, God willing i get into one. If not ,then i will try again next year. I also want to concentrate on making time for my artwork again. I miss my paints and brushes and letting thoughts spill out in color...i must get back to that as soon as i physically am able to. A trip is on my mind as well. I want to go to Italy, to visit family, but even more so to see Tuscany. It holds a lot of meaning for me...and though i hope to have a companion for the trip, i will go alone if i must...which would be totally frightening and insane but i want it bad enough to do it.

So i leave you with some pictures, memories of this past year, both sweet and sad.....but all part of me. I wish you all a very Happy Christmas , have forgiveness and hope in your hearts, love one another and be grateful for all you have. Hugs, Namaste.

GOODBYE 2009.......letting you go and moving on.......ciao.


Jessica said...

Love this post, girl! I hope 2010 brings all that you desire! :)

cassie said...

wow, i swear i thought i was the only one that had a you know what year. well, you're def. not alone. and i to have had to have had closure about 2009.